She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
