dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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