I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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