singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
