He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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