I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
