It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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