We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i think i just lost a toe
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