Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
