Non-Jews are for practice
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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