Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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