Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
