You really coming over, don't trick.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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