I got chris browned last night
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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