Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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