really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
