I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
