Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
