Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't think brook has ever known best
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
