So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
