guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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