i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
