I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
