respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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