I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
