forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
