somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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