I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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