No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
