Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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