mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
