You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
