You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
