Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
