we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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