I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
