My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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