By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She needs sedatives and a leash
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
