It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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