dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
