We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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