hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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