Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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