sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize