I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize