I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
