I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
