Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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