i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
