But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
