I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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