I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
