I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my sisters under your porch take her home
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
