Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize