you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
