but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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