YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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