I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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