I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm so fucking centered right now
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Randomize
