Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
