You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
