why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
