I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
birth control should be required to get into college
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
