Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
