you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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