i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
