And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
