There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
