That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
